candy
one thing that never gets old is candy. i like candy as much today as i did when i was three. i remember telling my friends at the time that if i ever stopped liking candy, they had my approval to murder me. they took down my information, stored it safely in their respective wallets, and we went our separate ways, hoping to never have to meet again, for that would spell my death. by them. so shortly thereafter, i began my quest to find a new group of friends, a goal which, at time of publishing, remains unfulfilled. what amazes me about candy is that they come up with new candy ideas pretty much every week, churning out different shapes, consistencies, flavors combinations, and rarely producing an unsatisfactory product. while we struggle to generate new classes of anthelmintics and antibiotics, while cancer research remains stagnant, while soda innovation is underwhelming and often disgusting, the geniuses of our country apparently all work in candy development. candy rose to prominence in 1995, when a nationwide poll captured not only our interest but our hearts. we chose blue, the new M&M color, replacing tan, which Mars Inc. decided was boring and racist. tan had replaced violet in 1949, when Mars Inc. determined that violet propagated homophobia and was “not the message we want to send to our customers and teach our children. American schoolboys should not have to absorb the verbal and physical abuse and accusations that accompany eating the violet M&Ms.” America was involved in the creation of a new product, M&Ms with blue, and the love affair began. since then, regrettably, candy creation has taken a back seat to more sensational subjects, such as war, combat, militia movements, warfare, terrorism, military activity, and epic war movies. but Americans have been lucky enough to enjoy the new candy coming our way behind the scenes, revelations such as pull-and-peel twizzlers, gummy life savers, peanut butter twix, and swedish fish aqualife. sometimes i think that candy is delicious and thus it would be difficult to screw up such a good thing. but then i think of soda and the numerous missteps in new soda concoctions. terrible, all of them. the only thing the egg heads designing soda have come up with recently is mixing cherry and vanilla. great job, guys. inspired. just today i saw a commercial for crazy core skittles. i have no idea what that means. but it’s very exciting and, more than likely, a great new candy invention. keep up the good work, guys. even it today’s tough economic climate, we, as Americans, are proud to fork over what little money we have for your delicious new candy. a grateful nation salutes you.
