human medicine vs. veterinary medicine
in veterinary medicine, you have two relationships that you must forge in the examination room; one with the animal, and one with the owner. in human medicine, there are also two relationships to keep in mind; one with the patient, and one with his insurance carrier. in veterinary school, you study the importance of biosecurity and the public health concerns of emerging infectious diseases. in medical school, apparently they do not, because most physicians don’t know what zoonosis means. there have been many cases in which veterinarians trying to treat large, unwieldy, aggressive mammals have lost their lives in the line of duty. to date, a doctor has not so much as contracted the sniffles from a patient. one guy thought he got sick from a patient once, took the rest of the week off, laid in bed the whole time. eventually it came out that he faked the whole thing and just wanted a week of vacation. then they told him that he was a doctor and could take vacation whenever he wanted for as long as he wanted and he was never heard from again. lots of kids dream of becoming veterinarians when they grow up. or athletes. or astronauts, or actors, or firemen, or pilots. that is all. a vet student training in the field is at risk for afflictions such as cryptosporidiosis, salmonellosis, and echinococcosis. a med student in training is at risk for vicious paper cuts, including the kind that start to bleed. in veterinary medicine, different breeds of dogs are differentially predisposed to various ailments, both genetically and behaviorally. in human medicine, a fat guy is more prone to heart disease, whereas a thin guy can buy an oversized pair of pants and sell submarine sandwiches on t.v. humans keeping other humans in their custody against their will is called kidnapping. humans keeping animals in their custody against their will is called cat ownership. physicians who specialize learn more and more about less and less, so that they eventually know everything about nothing. veterinarians who generalize learn less and less about more and more, so that they eventually know nothing about everything. human doctors drive mercedes and think they are the shit. vets drive station wagons with their dogs in the back seat and think they smell shit. animals are furry, friendly, happy, energetic, sweet, and silly. people are mean and old. physicians think they’re brilliant and are convinced that they could do the work of veterinarians with little problem. veterinarians would like to see them try.
