rode through a car wash today. i think it’s safe to add enjoying a car wash to the list of activities that are not as fun once you grow up. it’s a long list now, at least for me, including things like yo-yos, balloon animals, spontaneously stripping off all clothing at the sight of any sprinkler, randomly running around screaming, ice cream trucks, making fun of nerds. but it’s not all bad, there are enjoyable occupations that one adds to his arsenal as he grows up, like enjoying a fine wine, wearing a new pair of socks, finding that parking spot outside your apartment, watching serious movies, having a satisfying conversation about anthony hopkins with an employee in the entertainment section of walmart, revisiting a childhood memory and feeling weird. it’s weird, though, the moment you realize that you’re not enjoying something you used to love. i played candy land a year and a half ago. hated it. i think maybe we don’t age second by second but we age in spurts. like a moment of nostalgia ages us a year. that’s one reason i don’t go to school reunions. another is that they’re terribly awkward. hi, how are you? good, good. aren’t you that guy who used to stare at me weirdly in biology? no, no, i sat behind him. i liked your hot friend. oh, she died. oh, that’s terrible. OD’d? no, no fugu. that’s a shame. well, what do you do now? i’m an engineer. that’s great, sounds interesting. and you? i just got laid off. oh, that’s terrible, i’m so sorry. yeah, thanks, it’s been rough, hey do you want to get out of here, maybe go to my place for some drinks? <long pause> well i’m sorry to hear about your job. yeah, yeah, thanks. well, i should go, i have to get up early. yeah, no, definitely, me too. awkwardness probably also ages you. unpleasantness, in general. they say smiling keeps you alive. laughter is the best medicine. i think finding things you did as a child that you still enjoy keeps you young. chocolate is still delicious. so is ice cream and pizza. four square will always be fun. girls will always have cooties and the kid who picks his nose and eats it should always be ostracized and ridiculed. find these activites and beliefs that you had when you were little and protect them with your life. they hold your life. for every new big word you learn, you age. and for every time you threaten someone with “you do, you die”, invite a friend over for video games, or buy a batman lunchbox not because it’s silly or vintage but because it’s cool, you stay young. and the younger you stay, the more tragic it will seem when you die.
