the curious case of Mr. Thees
i had this one teacher in school, mr. thees. he was as intimidating as one could be while closely resembling charlie chaplin which, as we soon realized, was pretty damn intimidating. he had a mustache, a bald head, and a scowl that could melt m&m’s in your hand. he ran a science class, teaching us about volcanoes, bunsen burners. the more i think about it, the more thankful i am that he was my teacher, because everyone needs that experience of having a hardass teacher of whom to be scared. in addition to laughing at us when we answered questions incorrectly, making fun of us, and generally being a jerk, mr. thees asked unfair exam questions and then became infuriated when we questioned them. he would make us stand in a single file line outside his classroom until he was ready for us to enter, like his was the hottest club in town and we were all losers trying to get in. i think it was his intention to make us all feel like losers. and then he would sniff out the biggest loser to serve as his proverbial punching bag. in our class, that was j.j. j.j. had big glasses, bright, patterned shirts, and was always raving about his new breadmaker. yup, j.j. had a long semester. we all did, really. there’s really no way around a tough teacher except through him. so we all went through him. it wasn’t always fun. or ever fun. but, in retrospect, i imagine he was taking out some marital difficulties on us. peter later said that he ran into mr. thees on vacation on some island, where mr. thees was walking with his wife, who had bruises on her face. maybe peter made up that story. or maybe mr. thees made him start that rumor to add to his legend. either way, seventh grade was the year of mr. thees. for us and for everyone living and learning under his tyrannical regime.
